Self-ish
(Click the picture for slide show).
November 29, 2015
When the clock struck midnight on the big day, I was dancing the night away at a wedding oblivious to anything but a beaming couple and the air of love in the room. Time became endless, and I was gliding from one moment to another without stopping. I completely forgot it was my birthday, nor knew what day it was. I hadn’t been home in three and a half weeks.
Life on the road is driving on a straight highway, with no end in sight. There is no beginning, middle, or end. You pass monuments along the way; other cars; time changes; and varying weather conditions. You eat when you’re hungry, or when you run out of gas. Your hunger isn't based on the time of day. Eventually, you start an affair with yourself. You begin to see yourself with tender eyes. You start to truly understand self-love, (not just an abstract section at a book store).
My birthday was a happy and low-key day. I woke up, treated myself to an extravagant brunch at the hotel, and drove back to my Aunt and Uncle’s house and spent the evening with my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins at an Indian Restaurant. I was fed by everyone in my family a piece of cake/dessert and felt a little sick, but content when I went to bed that night.
It ended up being a perfect birthday.
- No fussy event at a bar or restaurant where I would have been struggling to talk to everyone.
- No attempts at having conversation across the table to make friends feel comfortable and fake introductions.
- No worries of having friends that arrive early and don’t know anyone, and keep texting you to find out your ETA.
- No awkwardness of offering to split the meal, while all of your friends are thinking, (damn this meal was expensive; I didn’t even get to talk to her, or doesn’t she have a significant other that can man up and foot the entire bill)?
Don’t get me wrong, I love a birthday party like anyone else, and I’ve had plenty of extravagant ones. But this year, at 33, I relished in spending the day with family. It felt like a day for all of us. Instead of worrying about other people, I was able to relax, laugh, and sit back. As I knew the greatest birthday gift was only a few weeks away: my trip traveling abroad for a month on my own.
We all make promises to ourselves every year that passes by. My promise to myself is to put myself first. Because, finally this year I’ve learned to truly love myself. We all think that love is something we give to others, but sometimes I think love can be selfish. I’ve spent so much time caring for others, worrying about others, and feeling for others.
In a world of never-ending obligations: Choose Yourself. Explore Yourself. Be Yourself. It took me 33 years to figure this out. I’m looking forward to spend another year with the greatest love of my life….